friday fun, fairytale festivities, and a father's day funeral

what a weird time it is for me right now.
this is my weekend of friday fun, fairytale festivities, and a father's day funeral.

one day, as i was looking for flights out of the country--i asked God for change and challenge and BOOM. i was called to the boys and girls club of memphis. as the new direct of special events for a non-profit, my task is to plan parties with a purpose. raise money for good.  meetings, greetings, coffees and lunches with strangers  filled my day for the most part. other times, i'm working on learning more about the organization and more importantly, visiting the clubs as a great reminder as to why i took this wonderful position. i never thought i'd be at an office/desk job, but it's really beyond that. i see smiling faces everyday and i'm thankful to provide them. about a month has gone by and i couldn't be happier with this perfect position. 

last night's event ran so beautifully that i can't believe that it actually happened. nothing tremendously dramatic occurred,  no one broke any bones, and we didn't piss anyone off. it was perfect. thanks to my friends who came and helped last night. thank you. thank you. thank you.

before i took this job, i knew that i'd be busy right around event time (june 14-18), but even busier than just a normal as i am in a wedding party for my college roommate. beautiful candysse and i were sisters from the moment we met on the front porch at a house party by campus. i remember that night as if it were not last night. so i guess i could say i remember that night as if it happened in college. vague descriptions, but definitely happened.

this weekend was a"no way. i can't do anything. im so busy that weekend" kind of weekend. friday night party, candysse's wedding weekend, then two days of a golf tournament on monday and tuesday. but in the mean time, i had something else going on.

for the last three weeks, i've been sneaking off to the hospital after work until about 11pm to see my Lolo who has been in ICU. it's a terrifying thing to know that your family member is detrimentally ill and it's up to these machines to keep him alive. my family and i prayed for God's grace in keeping my Lolo from any pain and to allow His will to play out.

my tita (tagalog for aunt) and ron were visiting Lolo from seattle, but extended their 2 week stay to three weeks to be with him on father's day. they happily stayed in the hospital care waiting room for three weeks. there was something special about this space where we congregated in night by night. it was smaller than a bedroom, but bigger than a closet. over the course of three weeks, somehow, we made this cold little corner room into a home. each night, my dad, aunt, cousin, and i stayed up sharing stories, laughing, and occasionally shedding some tears when sensitive, sweet subjects were brought up. we joked about how we really needed Lolo to get better so that ron could give him the $55 he promised him if, of course, he got well enough to travel back.

in the mean time, i'm waking up early to get to work at 7:30. i stayed a little later at work each night because i was the new girl, and legitimately needed to get some work done. and candysse's wedding is right around the corner...tomorrow to be exact.

last night, after my overwhelmingly successful event, i went to meet a friend for a quick sip before i went to bed to prepare for candysse's weekend of fairytale festivities. i couldn't wait to celebrate candysse's and carlos relationship. i saw them grow and i am proud to standing up there with them as a witness of their crazy beautiful love for each other.

i was planning out where to allocate my time properly just in case anything happened during this crazy weekend. and almost as soon as i walked in to see my friend, my worse fear just came true. i received a text from my aunt with the terrible news.

11:43pm "Dad just passed. God bless him."- Tita Mae

i rushed to the hospital and walked in frantically to see my cousin weeping by himself in the little corner we've so-called home. "lolo's gone, ate" he said. ("ate" is an endearing, respectful name used for female family and friends sightly older than you.'kuya' is the male version of this.)  my dad and aunt were upstairs visiting with my lolo. ron  and i  chatted a little and even giggled at some built-up inside jokes within that corner spot.


i think the most common thing we do as humans after someone passes is think about the things we 'should've, could've would've' done. what do you do?

and when someone dies, what do you say?

i'm going to miss my lolo so much. the hardest part for me is thinking about my lola's pain when she finds out. i don't like to think about her without him. i'm thankful that my lolo is no longer in pain with breathing tubes, cold needles, swollen hands, and bruises. masks and tubes taped to his face. this rotating bed that we called the 'rotisserie bed' because it would turn him in it like, well,..a rotisserie chicken. it was terrifying. there were nights at the hospital that i was there but did not go to his room because i couldn't bare to see him in his condition. instead, i would leave notes with the nurse to leave by his bedside, hoping that he would magically read it in his sleep.


 he was a man of faith--he has gone to a better place.

my Lolo's funeral is tomorrow. and so is candysse's wedding. and so is father's day. and then it will be monday again.

i've been to many funerals, but this one will be the first from my family.

here's to changes and growth it brings us.